A Day in the Life
by TheaterBug
Summary: When Shawn Spencer and Head Detective Carlton Lassiter are together, they're always at odds. At least one of them would, at some point, claim to hate the other. When it comes to these two though, is there more than meets the eye? Not Shassie, very canon.
1. Head Detective Carlton Lassiter

**A/N: Hey everyone! This is my second Psych fanfic. It's basically two one shots about the relationship and dynamic between Shawn and Lassiter but not in a Shassie way. It's meant to be very in line with canon. This is Lassie's chapter. Enjoy!**

Disclaimer: I do not own Psych or any of its characters.

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Shawn Spencer annoyed the hell out of Head Detective Carlton Lassiter. The fake psychic was always up to some crazy antics – always intruding on Carlton's crime scenes or invading his desk space or just being otherwise obnoxious. As Spencer solved case after case after case, however, right under Carlton's nose, he simply became more and more of a pain in the ass. Carlton wanted nothing more than for him to just disappear. The days that Spencer didn't visit the station or barge in on a crime scene were some of the best days of his life. He could actually get his work done and go about his day in peace. Days without Spencer were complete and utter bliss.

Today was one such day, thus far anyway. However, it was nearly three in the afternoon and there had been no psychic sightings yet that day. They'd even been able to look at a crime scene completely undisturbed. As Carlton sat at his desk doing his paperwork, he felt _great_. Except whenever he heard someone walking down the hall. Or whenever anyone spoke too loudly. Or whenever the scent of pineapple wafted his way. His head would snap around, ready to lay eyes upon the nuisance that was bound to destroy his day. Needless to say, while the days that Spencer was mysteriously absent brought Carlton the peace he always craved in the younger man's presence, they certainly did not bring him the peace of mind. Any day Spencer wasn't pestering him, Carlton found himself inexplicably on edge.

How the man managed to get under his skin without even being present was something that irked Carlton to no end, only making it worse. "O'Hara!" he snapped, suddenly.

"What is it, Carlton?" she asked, coming over to his desk as everyone else in the station shied away, thinking he must have found a lead in one of their cases.

"Did Spencer say anything to you about not being around today?" he asked, trying to sound casual and conversational which always only made it sound more awkward and uncomfortable.

Juliet bit back a smile. "No," she replied. "I have no idea where he is. Why he hasn't been here today is as much a mystery to you as it is to me."

Carlton let out what could only be described as a chuckle for him. "Maybe Spencer died," he remarked.

"Carlton!" she exclaimed, hitting him in the arm. "Don't say that kind of thing!"

She stormed back to her desk before the head detective could finish deciding if he wanted to apologize or not. Damn Spencer. Always managed to ruin his day.

As he focused back in on his work, however, a thought kept nagging at the back of his mind. What if something had happened to Spencer? Carlton was sure the annoying psychic would've popped up somewhere today. He checked his watch. He hadn't seen Spencer in approximately twenty-two hours. That was plenty of time for the idiot to get into some sort of trouble. Had he mentioned anything yesterday about a private but dangerous case he and Guster had been working on?

_No!_ Carlton scolded himself. He did not care what happened to Shawn Spencer. If the man was dead, Carlton's life would be all the better for it. Damn him for weaseling his way into Carlton's thoughts again.

Although...Guster wasn't as bad. But if Spencer was involved in some stupid scheme, there was no doubt Guster would have been dragged along for the ride. He could be slightly concerned over whether or not Guster was alive. There's no shame in that. Guster was a decent man. He might even be tolerable if he didn't come with Spencer attached at the hip.

Carlton rose abruptly and headed to the men's restroom. Once inside, he checked all the stalls and the bathroom air vents for the presence of another person. When he deemed the place clear, he locked the door and pulled out his cell phone. Unfortunately, however, he didn't have Guster's phone number. He really should have. All he had, though, was Spencer's. Well, he needed some way to keep tabs on that—that fiend!

With a heavy sigh, Carlton dialed Spencer's number. It rang...and rang...and rang. Carlton was beginning to fear that maybe he _had_ died when an annoying voice chimed, "Lassie! To what pleasure do I owe this call?"

Why _was_ he calling? Was he sick? What in his right mind would have ever possessed him to call Shawn Spencer? Carlton held back a groan. "Is Guster alive?" he snapped.

"Gus?" Shawn repeated. "Well, gee, Lassie, I don't know. Let me check." The fake psychic didn't even bother to pull the phone away before calling to his partner, "Gus, you alive?"

"Yes, I'm alive, Shawn!" Carlton could make out the man's indignant reply.

"He's alive," Shawn confirmed. "Why do you ask, Lassie?"

"I just...he just..." Carlton spluttered, desperately wishing he had never made this call. He sighed agitatedly. "You two haven't been pestering the station and you didn't come waltzing in on my crime scene this morning so I just wanted to see if your idiocy had gotten either of you killed," he explained before quickly adding, "But mainly Guster! Because I couldn't care less what happens to you, Spencer."

"Aww, Lassie," Shawn cooed. "That's so sweet. You were worried about me."

"Spencer, I was not—"

"Gus, did you hear that? Lassie was worried I was dead because I haven't hung out with him today.

"I wasn't worried and we don't _ever_ hang out—"

"Really, Shawn? Because it sounded like he was worried about me," Gus retorted.

"Well, I'm obviously alive, Gus," Shawn countered. "I answered the phone."

"Whatever you say," Gus responded, knowing it was better to just let Shawn think what he will.

"Well, thanks for your concern, Lassie," Shawn returned to the phone call, "but I am very much alive." He paused. "Although I might feel a small case of the sniffles coming on. Did you want to come over and take care of me when you get off work, Lassie?"

"Goodbye, Spencer," Carlton snarled, hanging up on the bane of his existence as violently as he could. Calling that man was the biggest mistake Carlton had made all day. All week even.

The head detective strode angrily out of the men's room and back to his desk. The day had been going so well. What the hell had he been thinking, dragging Spencer into it? Now that his day had been sufficiently ruined, Carlton bore no hope of peace. He resignedly set himself back to his paperwork, far more agitated but also, unconsciously, far less on edge. Still, it didn't change anything. There was no way around it; Shawn Spencer annoyed the hell out of Head Detective Carlton Lassiter.

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**A/N: Thanks for reading! Reviews are greatly appreciated. I'll post the next "chapter" after this gets a few reviews. Thanks!**

**-Theaterbug-**


	2. Shawn Spencer

**A/N: Hey everybody! Hope you all enjoyed the first "chapter" of this story. Big thanks to everyone who reviewed it! Your comments are so encouraging and I really appreciate it. Here is the second part of this two part fic. Enjoy!**

Disclaimer: I do not own Psych or any of its characters.

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Head Detective Carlton Lassiter, or Lassie as he preferred to call him, was Shawn Spencer's favorite person...to annoy the hell out of. It was just so easy. They'd known each other long enough now that two things had occurred. One, Shawn knew exactly how to push all of Lassie's many buttons and, two, he could annoy Lassie merely by coming into his line of vision. Really, the head detective was just too easy to annoy.

On this particular day, he was employing one of his lesser used but perhaps more effective techniques of getting under Lassie's skin. On most days, Shawn was either at a crime scene with Lassie and Jules or working with them at the station or just visiting because he had nothing else to do that day. Today, however, Shawn was going to remain mysteriously absent from all thing SBPD. He'd done it a few times before, although it was originally an accident.

The first time, he'd just been busy and hadn't run into the dynamic detective duo at all. When he'd come into the station the next afternoon, Lassie had practically run him into a corner, demanding to know where he had been the day before. It was then that Shawn realized he could do as much – if not more – damage to Lassie without even being in his presence. So now, every so often, he'd take a day off from the police department and reap the benefits of Lassie's paranoia the next day.

Still, he tended to prefer being obnoxious in person. It was much more satisfying to see just how badly he was grating on poor Lassie's nerves. Shawn had always been more of an instant gratification person. Besides, he was instead left with nothing to do and thus was sitting around the Psych office with Gus, incredibly bored. Not to mention, every once in a while, he'd be plagued with thoughts that maybe Lassie was okay without him there or didn't even notice his absence or, even worse, was solving a case that _he_ should have been the one to solve and later rub in Lassie's face.

"Gus, I'm bored," he whined for the hundredth time that afternoon.

"And I'm still working, Shawn," Gus retorted. "Entertain yourself."

Shawn groaned. "I tried," he argued. "I've been playing that little game with the mines for the past hour and I still can't win."

Gus looked up from his work. "Minesweeper?" he checked. Shawn nodded. "The goal is to _avoid_ the mines. The numbers tell how many mines are touching that square."

"Ohh," Shawn breathed as dawning realization hit him. "Dude, that game is so easy then."

"So why don't you go play it and leave me to my work?" Gus suggested.

"Nah, now the challenge is gone," Shawn pointed out. "It's not exciting anymore."

"How about you go bug Jules and Lassiter at the station then?" Gus urged, eager to get Shawn off his back.

"Gus, today's my day off, remember?" Shawn reminded his friend.

"Day off from what, Shawn?"

"From annoying Lassiter!" Shawn exclaimed. "In person, of course."

"Maybe you should cut the man a break sometime," Gus reprimanded his friend.

"That's what today is, Gus," Shawn countered innocently.

"No," Gus shot back, "you only do this because you know it puts him on edge."

"I know," Shawn confessed with a wide grin. "Isn't it fun?"

Gus shook his head but otherwise ignored his friend and returned to his work. Shawn sighed. That was all he'd be getting out of him for now. He tilted his head back and tried to content himself with finding pictures in the markings on the ceiling tiles. Fortunately, however, he wasn't forced to entertain himself that way for long. A wide grin split across his face as his cell phone began singing "Who Let the Dogs Out." There was absolutely no reason that Lassie would be calling him today that wouldn't please him.

"Lassie!" he exclaimed cheerfully. "To what pleasure do I owe this call?"

There was a moment of silence on the other line as Shawn could tell the detective was fighting himself not to just hang up. "Is Guster alive?" he finally snapped.

"Gus?" Shawn repeated. "Well, gee, Lassie, I don't know. Let me check." He didn't bother moving the phone away from his mouth as he called to his friend, "Gus, you alive?"

"Yes, I'm alive, Shawn!" Gus indignantly replied, glancing up from his work only momentarily.

"He's alive," Shawn confirmed into the phone. "Why do you ask, Lassie?"

"I just...he just..." Lassie spluttered, only widening Shawn's grin. The complete reluctance to admit to anything was glaringly obvious. Finally, the detective sighed agitatedly. "You two haven't been pestering the station and you didn't come waltzing in on my crime scene this morning so I just wanted to see if your idiocy had gotten either of you killed," he explained before quickly adding, "But mainly Guster! Because I couldn't care less what happens to you, Spencer."

"Aww, Lassie," Shawn cooed, thrilled how well his efforts had panned out. "That's so sweet. You were worried about me."

"Spencer, I was not—"

"Gus, did you hear that?" Shawn interrupted. "Lassie was worried I was dead because I haven't hung out with him today."

"I wasn't worried and we don't _ever_ hang out—"

"Really, Shawn? Because it sounded like he was worried about me," Gus retorted.

"Well, I'm obviously alive, Gus," Shawn countered. "I answered the phone."

"Whatever you say," Gus responded, knowing it was better to just let Shawn think what he will.

"Well, thanks for your concern, Lassie," Shawn returned to the phone call, "but I am very much alive." He paused. "Although I might feel a small case of the sniffles coming on. Did you want to come over and take care of me when you get off work, Lassie?"

"Goodbye, Spencer," Lassie snarled before abruptly hanging up the phone.

Shawn grinned widely. "Well, I'd say today has been a productive day," he noted. "I got a lot done."

"Good, now why don't you head down to the station so _I_ can get _my_ work – which is _actually_ work – done," Gus half-suggested, half-instructed.

"Gus," Shawn remarked, unable to keep the glow of mischief out of his eyes, "_that_ is a _brilliant_ idea."

With that, Shawn snatched up Gus' car keys before his friend could even realize what had happened and exited their office. Gus started to protest but ultimately decided it wasn't worth it; he finally had some peace and quiet to finish his work in. Shawn, on the other hand, was more than ready to go disturb the peace and quiet of the SBPD. What better way to add insult to Lassie's injury than to go invade his space and probably literally insult him? Not to mention call him out on being worried about his favorite psychic detective. Yes...Lassie was by far Shawn Spencer's favorite person to annoy. It was just too easy.

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**A/N: And thus concludes my second Psych fic. I'd love to hear what you all think! I have more that I'll be posting soon as well so if you enjoyed this one, keep an eye out for those. Thanks!**

**-TheaterBug-**


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